Unofficial Borat Wars - Kazakhstan's Mightiest War Simulation Game

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Borat Sagdiyev, Kazakhstan’s cultural ambassador to the United States, has annouced that, due to the Uzbekistan government’s illegal spying and propaganda campaigns against Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan is declaring war on Uzbekistan. Kazakhstan has its deadliest catapults pointed toward Uzbekistan and are prepared to sacrifice every goat, woman and gypsy until Uzbekistan stops its illegal activities. Uzbekistan has responded in kind, with its catapults loaded with fierce looking rocks to force Borat to apologise.

Direct your catapults as General Borat and force your enemy Uzbekistan to surrender.


Uzbekistan Challenges Borat Wars!
Nov 28, 2006

Shavkat Mirziyoyev, Prime Minister and Master Horse Ejaculator of Uzbekistan, has issued that all Uzbeki people shall pray for the downfall of Borat Wars in a new challenge against the hilarious website.

“We do not like Borat Wars. It makes our women look more beautiful than they really are and our horses fatter than they really are,” he said in an interview with the government controlled press in Tashkent.

“All Uzbeki people must never go to Borat Wars. That is”

The Uzbek government’s horse secretary released a statement yesterday saying "These Wars of Borat is causing great harm to the horses Uzbekistan and particularly, Master Horse Ejaculator Prime Minister. Horses around the country have been unable to eat hay and many have developed diseases causing them to suddenly fall over while having sex since the movie release of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan."

Borat said he was not afraid his Borat Wars would be challenged by a country where the age of consensual sex was more than 12 and “the Jews with their big green goblin heads are allowed to walk free."

Then Borat walked to the Uzbeki border, stood next to a catapult and said, “Your horses are fat and stupid like goats!” The Uzbek government horse secretary ran away crying without comment.


Borat’s War Upsets Balance of Power in Central Asia
Nov 8, 2006

General Borat’s war on Uzbekistan has caused peasants all over Central Asia to hide their chickens for fear of being hit by catapults. Borat has lined up catapults all over the border with Uzbekistan, and also Kyrgyzstan for some reason, in order to stop the Uzbeks from getting into Kazakhstan.

“We do not like smelly Uzbek. They want to make spy and spread propaganda. And I think there are many homosexual,” said Borat.

The All Knowing and All Handsome President of Turkmenistan, Brezev Sakmihoff, says that Borat’s war could spread to Turkmenistan if Uzbekistan collapses. “Our catapults are ready,” he said, “and we will fight until there are no more rocks in our country.”

“Their horses are fat and their goats are stupid. Their catapults could not kill a Gypsy from ten meters away! Hahaha!”

Borat responded to this comment by saying that, when he gets to Turkmenistan, “we will bring all the clean prostitutes from your country and have them all for ourselves! Then we can change our national anthem and say we have the cleanest prostitutes in Central Asia! I am excite!”

"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan"

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Uzbekistan's Prime Minister Taunts Borat
Oct 7, 2006

My name is Shavkat Mirziyoyev and I am prime minister and chief gypsy catcher of Uzbekistan.

We glorious nation of Uzbekistan say words of Borat Sagdiyev outside Kazakhstan embassy in US and A is lyings and propagandas.

Borat make sex crimes with Uzbeki women in Tashkent. He is no longer allowed near Uzbeki women. We not allow him make liquid explosion on thin Uzbeki women or play table tennis with fat ones.

Borat want to make war on glorious nation of Uzbekistan for make more sex crimes with Uzbeki women. We trying to stop him.

Uzbekistan is beautiful country, much better than Kazakhstan. Not everyone have a horse yet but most people have donkey. Men have up to four wives and gypsies are no longer slaves since 2004. We have no more homosexual because we gave them all to Russian labour camps in 2004 also. There is even a road in Tashkent with a Dairy Queens. Outside the Dairy Queens you can find many prostitutes who give very nice sex in mouth. I like.

Like in Kazakhstan, we drink wine made from fermented horse’s urine, but our horses are better because they eat special Uzbeki grass that gives them super urine. They drink the water from the coal power plant in Tashkent, not like the nuclear plant in Almaty.

Borat also is lying when he say Astounding Woman, the comic book woman character who can pull a large plow for 84 hours without food or water, is from Kazakhstan. She is favourite comic book woman character Uzbekistan and we came up with her first.

We in Uzbekistan have bigger catapults than Kazakhi people and we will kill every Kazakhi person and woman until Borat say he is sorry.


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